Would that I had more to tell you about Brangelina (They got a discount voucher with their tenth child! Their teeth are actually proven to be a shade whiter than pure white!), but I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn now to that other oft-neglected starlet, Lindsay Lohan.

Linds says she's dead sick of the 'Has she lost too much weight?' speculation ? but, then, might I respectfully suggest that she refrain from releasing a very recent, topless photo series of herself, looking as if she's been heeding her mother's sterling 'eat more Big Macs' advice not at all.

But, oh joy ? Papa Lohan has, naturally, promised to intervene. "I'll talk to her about it. I'll see what's going on," he reassures.

Only trouble is, she's hardly speaking to that dead-beat dad of hers, whose colossally poor parenting might ? just possibly ? have had something to do with her current problems. One particular reason she's not super keen on him at present is, as he himself admits, down to her relationship with Samantha Ronson.

Turns out, homophobic bigotry isn't always the surest pathway to a warm, nurturing parent-child bond.

Russell Crowe is far older than Lindsay, though not always very evidently wiser. But, let's give the man the benefit of the doubt ? he hasn't thrown any phones at strangers recently, and he's been cast as the lead of the Ridley Scott-directed Robin Hood movie.

Great casting news, too, for Maid Marian, who's reportedly going to be played by the always-brilliant Cate Blanchett.

And the love's not just for Robin and Marian this week, either. One of Jake Gyllenhaal's co-stars in his upcoming flick 'Nailed', Malinda Williams, has just said of Jake and girlf Reese Witherspoon that, "I wouldn't be surprised if they get married soon. Reese was on the set a lot. She and Jake are clearly in love."

"They're like two regular, down-home people. They seem very comfortable around each other... It's like they've been together for a really long time ? like an old married couple." Aww.

But that's where the lovin' stops, sad to say.

Hugh Hefner's ex Holly Madison is already someone else's ex, as well ? namely, magician Criss Angel. According to a source, Holly "felt she couldn't devote 100 percent of her time to him in Vegas, at the expense of her own career and her goals".

Now, I really like what I've seen of former Playboy mansion-dweller Holly from that reality show starring Hef's gilfriends ? but 'career and goals'? Perhaps I am being uncharitable...

Also on the break-up train is Jennifer Love Hewitt, who's split from her fiance Ross McCall. And former '90210'-er and current co-star of 'Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles' (great show, by the way), Brian Austin Green has broken up with his fiancee, and everyone's favourite 'Transformers' hood-ornament, Megan Fox.

And, on that sombre note I leave you, dear readers ? with the platitudinous reminder than stardom and money will not bring you everlasting joy.

> More pearls of celeb-gossip-columnist wisdom ? in next week's Bitch and Famous! And, if you want more gossip before then, just friend me on Facebook.