"Suddenly, a tiger shark loomed towards me," recounted the man who elevated slow-mo jiggling boobs into one of the most watched shows of all time.

Seems the shark was, "a big girl, around 10 foot long. Although I'm six foot and no lightweight, I felt as if I appeared nothing more than a snack to her.

"She opened her huge mouth. All I could see were rows of white razor-sharp teeth. I held out the bait, hoping that would keep her happy."

It did, and David is still with us. Who can fail to be relieved that the possibility of a spin-off 'Baywatch' film has been wrested from the jaws of death?

And, finally, I leave you with another entry to file under 'doomed'.

Kate Hudson is... well, let's just say, not the best at picking them. Post divorce from Chris Robinson she embarked on a hopeless, drawn out on-off thing with Owen Wilson, in amongst various other unfortunate dalliances.

And now she's very likely engaged to quite inexplicably attractive-to-celebs baseballer, Alex Rodriguez.

Yes, the man who cheated on his wife with Madonna while she was still married, and whom you've been dating for less than a year is clearly the man for you to spend eternity with, Kate.

Hudson's reportedly just been spotted wearing a big ol' diamond ring from A-Rod. What could possibly go wrong?

More attempts to beat some sense into celebs ? in next week's Bitch and Famous! And, if you want more gossip before then, just friend me on Facebook.