Meat Loaf has a voice like a vuvuzela. Since he approaches music with all the subtlety of a wrecking ball (or Celine Dion), only the equally overblown compositions of his 'Bat Out Of Hell' collaborator Jim Steinman can really withstand the onslaught. That's a problem when the 'I'd Do Anything For Love' songwriter isn't what you'd call prolific — and the two men aren't exactly on speaking terms thanks to a lawsuit over the 'Bat' name.

Previously the man-mountain, who's not much of a tunesmith himself, has plugged the gap by dusting off old Steinman songs, or bringing in big name composers to recreate the bombast. On 'Hang Cool Teddy Bear', he's done neither. Certainly, there's an old Bon Jovi castoff, some stuff by that falsetto guy in spandex from The Darkness, and one track from that female 'American Idol' judge who isn't Ellen. But most of the 13 tracks on Meat's 11th studio offering are by nobodies. And it shows.

Cameos from showbiz friends and crisp production from Green Day collaborator Rob Cavallo can't hide the fact that this concept album is short on tunes — and story. Supposedly about a dying soldier who sees his life flash forward to different scenarios that possibly could happen, it's essentially an assortment of retro meat-and-potatoes barroom anthems polished up a bit for the 21st century.

Mercurial opener 'Peace On Earth' combines a traditional prog orchestral arrangement with some blistering Chuck Berry guitar work while Mr Loaf warbles about wanting to go home. Unfortunately he sticks around for supposedly swinging '50s rock pastiche 'Los Angeloser', rocked up nursery rhyme 'Like A Rose' (featuring Jack Black), lumbering 'Song of Madness' (almost rescued by a ferocious guitar solo from Steve Vai), and '80s power ballad by numbers 'If It Rains'. Even the big ballad reunion with Patti Russo, 'Let's Be In Love', soars like an ostrich.

It's not all bad news though. 'Elvis In Vegas' is a fist-pumping blue collar crowd pleaser in the Bon Jovi tradition, 'California Isn't Big Enough' and its punchy (but lyrically disturbing) chorus provide some much needed light relief, 'If I Can't Have You' (with Dr House on piano and Kara Dioguardi on vocals) sounds effortlessly breezy, and flamboyant Queen-inspired 'Love Is Not Real' is rock solid enough to allow Vai and Brian May to show off without stealing Meat Loaf's not insubstantial thunder.