The Back Pack was giddy to be getting away from the Blonde Pack. And who can blame them, what with Peter mocking the Kentuckians mercilessly and making fun of Mary and her complaining about her ankle. Bitch, please. You got hysterical when you couldn?t row properly, Peter. Like you would be able to handle a sprained ankle without breaking down into girlish weeping every few minutes.

Their delight at being away from the Blonde Pack soon turned to misery when they landed in Delhi had trouble getting tickets to their final destination, Chennai. The Wins and the Lyns eventually succeeded in getting on the same connecting flight as the Zoolanders and Rob/Kimberly but Team Kentucky just couldn?t pull it off. Noooo!

Twist of fate

In a twist of fate, it was the BQs and Pegleg who managed to land in Chennai the earliest. They secured an earlier transfer when their connecting flight landed in Bangkok. Dustin and Kandice kept mum when Peter quizzed them on whether they had managed to find a better flight. Peter shook his head, disappointed How could you, girls? Peter showed you his map! You shared something so special and this is how you repay him? For shame.

On landing in Chennai, the BQs pulled yet another move of pure evil when Peter asked their taxi driver where they were going and the BQs covered the taxi driver?s mouth. They seemed like such sweet girls too. Who could have predicted that demonic souls lay behind those perfect smiles? "The Barbies are fierce competitors," Sarah told us. Oh, they certainly are fierce.

Their evil deeds did not go unpunished however as their taxi got a flat tyre on the way to the route marker.

Whining about the smell

The next flight landed a while later. Rob and Kimberly immediately started whining about the smell and wished they could go to Europe. I?m hoping they?re eliminated before they go to any so-called first world countries but if they do last until Europe, I?m rooting for them to get lost in Transylvania.

The Lyns reflected how nice it was to be in a place where the locals were fuller-figured. Apparently the Vietnamese were horrible fat-phobes who had gaped and gawked at the Lyns? less-than-modelesque bodies. Well ja, people do tend to gape and gawk if you?re running around the neighbourhood in your bra.

Finally, David and Mary landed. They were optimistic. "We do not think we?re last," they Pollyanna-ed, just as the caption "currently in last place" appeared below them. Hee. As they say in comedy, timing is everything.

Crocs or rice

The Blonde Pack had reached the Detour, which offered up a choice between creating a pattern with coloured rice and wrangling with crocodiles. Both teams chose the crocs. The not-very-nice part of my brain was rooting for the crocodile to bite Peter?s leg off so Sarah could laugh and say: "Let?s see how you like it!"

They completed the croc task without losing any limbs but didn?t manage to catch the next bus to the Roadblock in time. Peter complained about Sarah?s slowness and she decided she had had enough. She ragged him out for the way he had treated her. Peter played innocent: "Sarah, I am not asking you to go any faster." Oh my god, is that a joke? How did the universe not collapse into itself and get sucked into the gaping void that was Peter?s self-awareness in that scene?

Rob and Kim passed some skinny cow and she wondered whether the cow was homeless. Duh, of course not, Kimberly. It?s obviously anorexic: everyone knows India had one of the highest rates of bovine eating disorders in Asia.

The Roadblock saw the chosen team member have to pass their driver?s test on the chaotic streets of Chennai. Now either Indian driving tests are waaaay easier than ours or the real challenge of the task was to drive around for a bit with an instructor next to them and try not to get totaled by a bus.

Rob showed a surprising lack of roadrage and Dustin managed to pass despite driving on the wrong side of the road at one point. I wish the K53 was this simple. Kandice was thrilled to see her partner return in one piece: "I?m so excited she didn?t die!" Everyone who complains about Joburg drivers should take note; it could be worse, it could be Chennai.

Much to my chagrin, Peter and Sarah arrived first and won a home gym. I hope it?s bionic-leg-accessible.

At the back

At the back of the pack, the Zoolanders and a trailing Kentucky chose to do the rice option. Mary was too scared to go near the crocs. Like those crocodiles would be any match for Mary. They would probably have beaten the Zoolanders too if they?d just gone for the crocs. As it was, they were the last team out to do the Roadblock.

"Maybe it?s a non-elimination," the Lyns hoped at one point, thinking of David and Mary. I took this as editing misdirection and braced myself for the worst. "I love David more now than the day I started this race," Mary said in voiceover. Awww, that?s so sweet how? wait, the day she started the race? Why not the day she met him or fell in love with him? You?re an odd bird, Mary.

In a joyful twist, it was a non-elimination after all. A double-bluff from the editors! Brilliant! David and Mary were saved to drawl their way through more countries. However, Phil introduced a nice new twist. Instead of taking their money, David and Mary would be required to come in first at the next Pit Stop otherwise they would incur a thirty-minute penalty.

Ooh, harsh. I like it. It beats taking a team's money and having to watch them beg. Fingers crossed that David and Mary can overcome their disadvantage and actually escape the Back Pack next week.

Next week: The Lyns hate beautiful people. Or the Beauty Queens hate single mothers. One of the two. Also, camels?but with a modern twist. I think they?re robot camels.