What makes some physiques sexy and others not? It's one of those pivotal questions that will solve a vast part of the mystery of human civilisation. It's a question everyone should ask themselves before they embark on a particular sporting activity for the rest of their lives.

Clearly, there are a couple of sporting men and women out there who didn't get that memo. How about those over-stuffed women body builders ? their boobs no longer wobbly accessories. Realising this, off they'll go to some obliging plastic surgeon and get themselves "two times double D silicon balloons" implanted just behind those steely non-boobs.

Not that women body building is a bad thing. I just find it amusing that through all that testosterone-driven muscle mashing you'd still try to retain some aspect of your femininity. Why not just give it up for lost and carry on pushing iron with the boys guilt-free?

On the other end of the spectrum to these heavy ladies are the long distance cyclers. No, I don't mean women participants. Male cyclists offer a rather odd version of the human frame. Thin, occassionally beginning to hunch when they walk from all the time they spend bent over a rather uncomfortable little piece of plank and two wheels. What is it about the sport that appeals? I don't know about you, but a male cyclist could use some bulking up tips from the aforementioned ladies.

Another of those who seem to have missed the point are the Williams sisters or should I be kind and say tennis players in general? Minus a few buxom racket wielders like Maria Sharapova and Anna Kournikova, female tennis players are pretty hardcore too.

I'm all for showing your physique off on the court, but seriously? A fashion label?

While Serena has opted to design sporty clothes for women with Puma, her sister Venus has opted for her very own fashion label EleVen which is meant to "allow women to enjoy an active lifestyle while remaining fashionable at the same time." Admittedly, Venus can look pretty fetching if she's done up by a professional as demonstrated at the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute's National Wear Red Day. Still, I'm not entirely convinced.

Moving on then to a sport that's had a very specific debate far closer to home than tennis. Athletics. And more specifically, Ms Caster Semenya. Sure, she's female, there's no doubt there. But feminine? Hell no. It boggles my mind to watch butch female sprinters gussy themselves up for the camera.

Semenya isn't the only athletics superstar whose testosterone has got her in trouble. Remember Marion Jones? In spite of her talons (which I think were meant to be manicured nails) Jones looked decidedly manly and played the butch female sprinter particularly well. Only to land up in tears on Oprah's couch mind you. The World Record sprinter took drugs to look and perform the way she did. Sad, but true. Was it yet more testosterone fogging up her ability to think clearly? Maybe.

Let's leave the track runners to croon over their spiked shoes and move onto yet another sports discipline. And of course I have to touch on the swimmers. What were they thinking all those years back when they first donned a silicon swimming cap, sliding through the heavily chlorined blueness? I must know. Was it the wrinkles on their fingers and toes from spending too much time in the water? Or perhaps the smell of damp lycra? Whatever it was, those girls somehow lost the plot. There are some of them that I'll let pass. The first that comes to mind is the gorgeous Charlene Wittstock who is to marry none other than Mr Eligible Bachelor ? His Majesty Prince Albert of Monaco. The girl's got class and with a pretty face like that, I can't help but forgive her slightly-too-broad shoulders.

Before you get mad, hear me out. Broad shoulders on a woman are good. It's sexy and helps balance out our bums. But swimmers, well, they overdo it a touch. I've always found it curious that swimmers physique looks great on a man and mostly not as great on a woman. That said, male swimmers need to be careful because being top heavy with no calve muscles is pretty unattractive too.

But let me not be too judgmental. There are plenty of gorgeous sports bods out there for us to admire. How about those sexy beach volleyball gals who seem to only use the beach and ball combo as an excuse wear as little as possible? Let's not forget cheerleaders, those rather arbitrary busty women that sing on the side lines of such manly ball games as American Football and becoming more common on our rugby fields? Is it a sport? Hmmm, that's debatable, but for now, let's just say the cutesy uniforms and the coordinated rustling of pom-poms makes it passable...