Ashley just smiles and nods, knowing that no one does smart interiors quite like Audi, even if the design is a little bland and the seats a tad hard. "Mine is definitely bigger than yours," he brags, presumably referring to the Audi's slightly more generous rear leg-room.

Next the gents continue to boast about the optional gadgets they fitted, and how much they upset the bank balance. Big screen navigation in each vehicle costs a nudge over R20 000 and, with this option, one can even order a reverse camera in the Audi and Volvo.

These two also offer adaptive cruise control, which automatically maintains a set following distance, for R10 000 on the Audi and R16 000 on the Volvo. The list of options on these vehicles seems longer than a Home Affairs queue, but the Audi and Volvo clearly offer more in the way of gadgets.

How do they drive?

"You guys could probably go on all night about your interiors and your gadgets, but what really counts to enthusiasts like us is how the cars drive and here the X3 is still the most satisfying vehicle."

"Hold on a sec, my Audi has 176kW, that's 6kW more than the X3, that's presuming the Audi isn't heavier," Ashley butts in. A glance at the spec sheet reveals that the Audi is heavier, putting the two on par in power to weight and giving the BMW the torque-to-weight edge, as both make 500Nm of twist.

"At least I didn't nearly get side-swept by a bus this morning," Jason asserts before the guys admit that both the Audi and Volvo have a problem with launch failure, which could make pulling into a busy intersection really dangerous, although at least the Audi has a far bigger power surge when the boost does finally come on stream.

"I don't care; I'm not out to race," Oliver chirps as the others allude to his five-cylinder Volvo being somewhat less powerful than their six-pot Germans. "Besides, my car cost fifty grand less than yours and when your stocks plummet and you're downsizing to the 2-litre diesel Q5 and X3, you'll be the ones left behind!"

One thing all three can agree on is that their cars offer a good balance between ride and handling, with car-like chassis and competent all-wheel drive systems, and top-notch passive safety to boot. To nitpick, the BMW and Audi do feel a bit more positive around corners, while the softer-sprung Volvo falls behind here but gains on a cushier ride.

The gents' conversation draws interest from a group of high-rollers who've just entered the room and seem intent on joining the conversation, but Ashley, Jason and Oliver make a hasty exit before these gents realise that they're actually a bunch of lowly motoring journos conducting a comparison test, smoking fake Cubans and 'high rolling' in other peoples' vehicles.